Ripe
by SpicyKumquat
Summary: when a little tomato issue leads to a series of hilarious incidents between Sakura & Sasuke that snowballs out of hand.


Ripe

Disclaimer: Never ever will be mine!

M -Humor/Romance.

POST WAR. Sasuke has two hands for the sake of story.

* * *

The air and atmosphere around the market vibrated with liveliness and energy, as people from all over Konoha became a flurry of movements along the streets. A single pink haired individual was seen amongst the throng of the hustle and bustle, hovering over a stall to purchase some much needed goods for herself.

Fingers brushed against hers as two different sets of hands seemingly went for the lone tomato.

Sakura lifted her eyes and stared into a pair of eyes mixed- matched of red and lavender of Sasuke Uchiha.

"Ah! Sasuke-Kun! I'm sorry I didn't notice you."

She bit her inner cheek, trying to contain the flush that was threatening to blossom across her face. he didn't seem to take notice her redden state and plucked the last tomato from the stall and tossed a coin to the vendor hands, quietly walking away from her shocked state at what just transpired.

"HEY! THAT WAS MINE! YOU CAN'T JUST WALK OFF WITH MY FREAKING TOMATO!" Sakura hollered.

"was, yours" he corrected her nonchalantly.

Sakura glowered at his perfectly chiseled aristocratic face, her eye twitching with annoyance. She had recently came off probation during a slight encounter with a seemingly drunken fool during a night out with Ino and the girls.

The man named Shigeo decided that it was a good idea to grope and sweet talk the fifth hokage's reputable pupil to the next millennia. Least to say, the man woke up the next following week in the hospital with 3 broken ribs, a blacked eye, a leg broken in 4 places, and an extensive list of hospital expenses.

"Do I even want to know?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow at her.

Sakura coughed giving a poor excuse about a puddle of water, heels had slipped and her hand/fist grabbed the nearest object next to her, which was the said drunken man. During her fall she had somehow deformed the man.

She groaned slapping her palm onto her face, as it all came rushing back to her. She had to be on her best behavior in order to be allowed back into Tsunade's good graces...though that didn't stop her from enhancing a chakra filled foot into the ground, and channeled the ground to crack open underneath Uchiha who uncharacteristically staggered over the mini crater, tomato flying out of his grasps.

"Sakura..." Sasuke growled.

She was gone when he spun to look back.

Turning around to search for the MIA tomato, orbs quickly narrowed at the sight before him.

On the ground laid before him was a miniature version of Katsuyu, who was settled on top of the tomato like a tiny hitchhiker, her eerie fillers seemed to move slowly on accord. There was a sudden silence that loomed over them.

Human and Slug stare down.

"DON-!" POOF

Katsuyu disappeared out of existence taking the tomato along as hostage.

"SAKURA!" cry of outrage bellowed from the market place.

A mirthful Sakura bounced off the buildings and landing gracefully on top of a roof, the mini slug perched comfortably on her shoulder the prized tomato in her hand.

Sakura - 1

Sasuke -0

Basking at her victory she took a bite out of the tomato with glee, her face slowly morphed into disgust. Spitting tomato back out ridden with dirt, she rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand.

'Maybe not so victorious.'

* * *

The icicle treat keeping her cool from the warm day, sighing happily as she happily licked the red bean flavored ice cream from melting.

The following few days kept Sakura on her toes. She was well aware that Sasuke Uchiha was not one to back down from a challenge, especially not since she had stolen his most favorite food in the world right under his nose. It had been quiet, too quiet actually for her taste it made her even more nervous, wondering when and where the last Uchiha would strike. Darkness was looming over the sky, a unnatural cold blast of air breezed by the back of her neck, making the tiny hairs stand up, goose bumps broke out underneath her skin.

'He's coming...I can feel it' her eyes shifted across the crowd, searching for that one peculiar spiked raven head amongst the faces.

'SHANNARO! bring it Uchiha! I'll chakra enhanced punch you to Kaguya's dimension!'

Sakura's form, slowly shifted into a defensive stance waiting for the inevitable, icecream poised as form of makeshift sword.

Noises and clamors from pack of people was all but heard.

Nothing happened

Sakura bit her bottom lip in paranoia.

'UGH! HES GONNA DRAG THIS OUT UNTIL I LOSE MY MIND! clever Sasuke-kun, very clever!'

Her form relaxed, closing her eyes and sighing in an audible relief. Lips seeking the delicious cold treat instead collided with another pair of warm ones. Sakura's eyes snapped open, as green orbs clashed with red and lavender.

'W-WHAT!?'

Sasuke slowly slid his hand up and gripped the back of her head and pulled her closer, slanting his mouth over hers as the other hand slowly settled over her back, pulling her form tightly to his. So tight, Sakura can feel each well defined pectorals against her own body.

'SASUKE! OH BY THE WILL OF FIRE! TAKE ME NOW! MY BODY IS READY! WAIT, WHAT AM I THINKING NO SAKURA, BAD SAKURA!'

He grinned against her lips Mangekyo slowly spinning hypnotically.

Leaning her body into his, kissing him as much passion that had built up over years of pent-up frustration and desires. Knees buckling as he gave a playful nip to her bottom lip, licking the remnants of the creamy dessert away.

'W..WAIT WHAT? MANGEKYO?'

Pushing him off her, her hands fumbled to do the hand seals.

"KAI"

The Sasuke before her disappeared as the world slowly dissipated before her fading into the background, finding herself in onsen baths. Everything clicked into place as men of all sizes and ages appeared around her all different but had one similar common trait, they were all naked as the day they were born.

Trembling with fury and embarrassment "KUSOOOOOOO! SASUKEEEE! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"SA-.. SAKURA-CHAN!?" an unholy screeched came from her side, her body snapped rigid in familiarity of the voice.

'No...' dawned on her slowly

Her body twisted, almost regretting what she was about to see.

Apparently it was get together Onsen Day, and the rest of the boys had decided to take time off from their missions to relax and recuperate in the hot springs, because there stood Naruto flustered and the rest of the complete Rookie 9 boys all wet, disheveled and stark naked. Her body shuttered, her mind shutting down as she passed out on the foot of a random naked stranger.

"SAKURA-CHAN!"

"SAKURA-SAN!"

"how troublesome.."

The Uchiha survivor balance on a branch with ease, watching the cinematic scene unfold in front of him. A deep chuckle resonated from his chest as his smoldering eyes traced her form almost affectionately from afar.

Sakura - 1

Sasuke- 1

The ice cream remain forgotten on the floor beside the unconscious girl.

* * *

'Asshole, demi-god, psycho, traitor that failed to destroy the world, tried to kill her best friend and her several fucking times! but DAMN! was he infuriatingly hot.' She moaned torn in two, walking down the brightened hallways of the hospital white robes flowing behind her.

"Shigeo!" she smiled and waved spotting the injured man flirting with the nurses.

He whimpered terror stricken features noticing the medic nin, he turned and hobbled away as fast as the crutches enabled him to do so.

She blinked, and shrugged walking over to the nurses. "Yura, where's the cross examinations schedule for today?" The nurse leaned over the counter and produce a clipboard from the desk, and handed it to her.

"Tsunade-sama insists to give you only a limited amount of work, until she was satisfied you are able to handle more workloads after your probation" Yura stated happily.

Sakura sighed knowing how strict Tsunade was with regime and quality of hospital care that nurses provided. Tucking a lock behind her ear, she eyed the list.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

Eyes widening at the bold words before her.

 **"Patient: Sasuke Uchiha"**

 **"Medical Health Checkup: blood pressure, eye conditions, skin checkup, and testicular checkups."**

Her eyes immediately zeroed in the words.

 **"Testicular checkups."**

She felt faint. God help her, this was last thing she needed! she could handle blood pressure, eye conditions, skin checksups! hell! even bowel movement seemed like a cry of mercy than **Testicular checkups**! eyeing the name with disdain, it seemed like she was going to meet God sooner then she had thought.

She straighten and breathed deeply.

"I'm a professional medic nin! I can get through this. I've done this a million times! I shouldn't be bothered by this! " determination coursed through her veins. Finally summoning the will and strength. A sudden very vivid image of Sasuke threatening to burn her alive with his Amaterasu if she dare come near his person popped up in her head.

"Life was good while it lasted" Sakura mumbled to herself, silently resigning herself to her fate.

* * *

Hey everyone if you haven't noticed by now this is my first fanfic, so please go easy on me. This was on a whim! I'm happy all comments are welcome, good and bad! I hope you liked it!

Next chapter will be up soon!


End file.
